Zia Amei Salah - Saturday's Child

A week ago, my daughter was born and I became a mother. As I look at her sleeping next to me, so peaceful and pure, I re-trace the moments that led to her beautiful being…

10:30 pm, Friday April 11. Light cramps come in slow waves and I smile, she chose a tropical night and will be born on a Saturday. I fall asleep.

2:00 am, Saturday April 12. Kwame comes to bed and I tell him the surges have begun. I go to the bathroom and realize that I have been bleeding. I will always remember the smile on Kwame’s face, the realization that we are really going to have our baby. We begin timing and try to go back to bed.

6:30 am. I have not slept but Kwame wakes up and we quietly go out for a walk. Every four, six, two, or eight minutes we pause to let the wave crash over me. We hug and sway our hips, like a dance. The surges are all very manageable and he reminds me to relax my jaw and shoulders. I envision my body opening.

8:30 am. My mother wakes up to the news, a big surprise. We call our midwife and let her know that we have begun. She tells us to go for another walk, to call her when the contractions are four minutes apart and lasting a minute. We leave a message for our doula and let our families know that our daughter is on her way. Everything still feels light, very much the beginning.

9:30 am. We walk a block and a half. The sun is already blazing, it will be a record breaking day in San Francisco. The rushes change from five to two and a half minutes a part. They are becoming stronger and last for forty five seconds. Still, they are not lasting a full minute and I figure we can walk more. I am feeling very strong and at ease. Kwame wants to go home and fill up the birth tub. I try to convince him it is too early. The next rush is more intense and I moan as we sway. Okay, let’s go fill up the tub.

10:30 am. Maria arrives to check on me and I am in the shower, shaving my legs. The water feels good and as I lean on the soap dish during a rush, it breaks off the wall. My mother scolds me for squeegeeing the shower door. Another rush and I am on the bathroom floor, on all fours, moving my hips. Maria checks me for the first time. I am 8-9 centimeters dilated! Almost ready to push! This is wild to me, it is all so fast. I start squatting on the floor and on the toilet, trying to get my water bag to break so I can push. The pelvic pressure is intense and I moan and say fuck. Kwame tells me instead of saying fuck, that I should say yes. It is a good reminder and I love him for this.

11:00 am. The tub is a fraction full, enough that I should be able to squat in it. I get in, but we have run out of hot water and it is too cold. I am on the floor, on all fours, trying to find positions that feel good as my mother frantically boils water in every pot we own. Finally, the tub is hot enough and I get in. The water feels good. I am moaning, in a trance. I have entered Laborland. It is a very deep place to be. Between rushes, I am conscious of everything around me but my eyes are half closed and my voice is soft. My thoughts drift peacefully. The music is playing, chanting. Everything seems to be flowing through me. This is exactly where I am supposed to be and I feel no fear.

11:30 am. I have started pushing. I try to keep my moans low. I growl, trying to be like an animal. I say fuck five more times. But I never say no. The rushes pass and I fall into deep rest.

12:00 pm. The pushing is harder than I thought it would be. I have trouble integrating the contractions with bearing down and curving my body in a way to be effective as I push. I am surprised by this.

12:30 pm. I have been pushing for an hour. We are out of the tub and I am squatting on the living room floor. Kwame sits behind me and holds me up. He is there, completely present, at every moment. I hear his voice and I feel Maria’s fingers in me, helping me push. I need to know we are making progress. We are. I have figured out how to push and I can feel the baby move down. What a feeling! I have a moment where I am outside my body and I realize that I am birthing my baby. I suddenly feel stronger, like a warrior.

1:00 pm. I am fully present now. I look Maria directly in the eyes and begin another round of pushing. It is all pushing now. My water bag pushes out of me like a balloon and Maria pierces it. The baby begins to crown and I reach down and feel her head. It is squishy. My body is stretching but she can’t move past a certain point in my pelvis. I stand up and then squat again. I open bigger and feel her head between my legs. Maria is rubbing olive oil on me, trying to help my perineum stretch. The pain is just enough that I want to keep going.

1:26 pm. It feels like a long time to be crowning. I am ready. I am ready. I am ready.
1:27 pm. My body releases and whoosh, with the water behind her, she flies out! She is in my arms, her dark hair and slimy body, complete and perfect. I see her lips, her eyes, her back, her arms and legs. I can feel the weight of her body on me and I stare in wonder as she screams, turning pink all over.